back from Massachusetts

My daughter liked Concord Academy a lot, and there was more structure than I expected (my main worry). I did fine. What hit me most was the theater, which hasn't changed since I was there. I stepped back and leaned against the wall and concentrated on my breathing, but no one noticed. The chapel didn't affect me the same way, but I was distracted by the fact that our tour guides were talking about the importance of the chapel talks given by seniors and I have no memory of mine. I didn't exorcise the ghosts; I still dread setting foot on the campus. When I try to write about what I remember a lot of positive memories come out, but I succeeded academically by repressing the pain inside and that pain is waiting to ambush me.

I was amused Sunday to read an article in the New York Times about resilience. After a close friendship with someone with terrible depression I understood depression better and started saying that it feels like I am chemically resistant to depression (I sometimes feel very depressed but I pop out of it whether I want to or not in a few hours or days). I always felt that when I said that people didn't think I was talking sense. But now there is research showing that different versions of a particular gene can promote or protect against depression. I'm sure I have the most protective version. That is probably why I was so successful in repressing the pain as a teenager. The key that the author doesn't understand is that resilience doesn't mean that everything is fine, it only means that the person is able to keep going despite the pain.

done

My conclusions came together somewhat better today for the last day of class. I just hope the students see it.

At Intueri I found a link to a recipe for simplicity. Actually I like better the What is Voluntary Simplicity list:

1. Limiting material possessions to what is needed and/or cherished.
2. Meaningful work, whether paid or volunteer, ideally spending no more than 30 hours per week (in order to make time for items # 3 to 12, below).
3. Quality relationships with friends and family.
4. Joyful and pleasurable leisure activities.
5. A conscious and comfortable relationship with money.
6. Connection to community, but not necessarily in formal organizations.
7. Sustainable consumption practices.
8. Healthy living practices, including exercise, adequate sleep, and nutritious food.
9. Practices that foster personal growth, an inner life, or spirituality, such as yoga, meditation, prayer, religious ceremonies, journal writing, and spiritually-related reading.
10. Connection to nature-delighting in spending time in nature regularly.
11. Aesthetic beauty in personal environment.
12. Living in harmony with values and integrity.

I think what that is telling me is that I should stop messing around my office and go take a nice long leisurely bike ride. Yesterday I did part of the Clemson triathlon course and averaged 15 mph, which is more like what I would like to see.

the end is in sight

It is finally sinking in that this is the last week of classes. Teaching a brand new course in an area I didn't study in graduate school has been less of a huge time commitment than I expected. I still have to figure out what I am going to say in conclusion. I'm going into class today with a blank page to write notes on--the results will be up by the end of class at 12:05.

Between chairing a search committee and STS coordinating and my daughter's boarding school search this has been a very busy semester and I will be glad when it is done.

the past

I haven't been back to the school where I spent my last two years of high school since I graduated (and my parents have lived for 10 years less than a mile away). While I blossomed intellectually there, in many other ways I don't want to remember those years. But a week from today I am taking my daughter to visit--it looks like it might be a good choice for her because it is one of the smaller of the top boarding schools. I cannot imagine how it will feel to go on a tour. So I'm trying to face some of my memories. After a lot of google searching I found a relatively recent picture of the only fellow student I connected with:
I'm not using his name because I bet he is still as ashamed of how naive we were in those years as I am.

running after bicycling

A friend came from the other side of Greenville to try out the Clemson triathlon course today--it is only three weeks away. We worked fairly hard on the bike, though not race pace, and did the course in 43:53. That's maybe a minute or two under what my time was last year (they reported bike time combined with the swim-to-bike transition so I don't have an accurate time). Then we did the run course. I wasn't pushing myself and I did it in 34:43--an 11:07 minutes per mile pace. Last year (on a slightly different course) my time was 40:27. But what really puzzles me is how easy it felt, when the 5K on Friday, where I ran a 10:19 pace, felt so hard. I am more caught up on my sleep today, but I biked 34 miles yesterday (not pushing) so it isn't that my legs are more rested. I just seem to run better after I bike. I think that my running style settles down into something more efficient when my legs are somewhat tired.

Race Report: Take Back the Night 5K

I heard about this race only this morning, but I had slept in and not run this morning so I figured since it was in my home town I might as well do it as my run this evening. The timing was awkward--the race started at 6 pm by which time I tend to really need dinner. I ate some substantial snacks as a compromise.

I got there too early, plus the race started late, for one thing because they had more people show up than expected and ran out of pins. I knew I wanted to push myself so I started out fairly fast. Sometimes I had to slow down because I was getting too out of breath. The second mile was almost all downhill and the third mile almost all uphill, and I slowed down a lot that last mile. With a cloudy day and leaves on the trees my GPS doesn't give me reliable results. I started it a bit late and it says 2.98 miles in 28:37 minutes (8:59, 8:50 and 11:14). But my finish time was 32 something. It doesn't make sense--I can't believe it was 4 minutes before I started the GPS, but the time should be right even if the distance is not. The results will be posted on Terry Times but they aren't there yet.

I was hoping to beat 30 minutes and so I was disappointed, particularly as I did push myself hard. I suppose I went out too fast given the hills, but I'm not sure I wouldn't do it again, hoping that I'm getting stronger. I was disappointed that they didn't annouce age group results, but most of the runners were college students. I think I would be faster in the morning than on a Friday evening after a tough week, but it tells me not to expect to beat 30 minutes in the Clemson triathlon.

Update: my posted time was 32:28. I placed 102 out of 195, but that includes walkers. No results by age group.

dead legs

Today's swim practice (5:30 am)
reverse IM warmup: 50 swim, 50 kick of each stroke = 400
kick with fins 2x100 butterfly on our backs, 100 fast backstroke
twice through = 600
8x25 breaststroke drill = 200
200 moderate free then 50 fast
200 moderate then 100 fast
200 moderate then 200 fast = 950
50 cool down
for a total of 2200 yards (the faster people probably did 3000)

When I went out running after supper my legs had no life in them. Sometimes after I warm up it gets better but it didn't today. It didn't help that it was warm--my hair is wet with sweat all the way to the end of my braid. Six miles at a pace of 13:16 minutes per mile. I shouldn't complain--a month and a half ago I would have been thrilled with that.

I like to do my long run midweek, even though it puts it on top of swimming, to save my legs for long bike rides on the weekend. I figure it is good practice to run on tired legs--I signed up for my first international distance triathlon (1500 meter Swim, 40k Bike, 10k Run) June 11.