running and life

My son's soccer coach told him to run over the break so I said I would wait for him to wake up so we could run together this morning. We set out on my new usual 3.1 mile out and back to the sewage treatment plant. For a little while he ran alongside me, then he started walking and then running to catch up (actually, if he walked fast he could walk as fast as I was running). I tried briefly running fast for me, but that was still easy for him. After we turned around he didn't catch up, but by the time I realized he was out of sight behind me I decided to just finish my run and then drive back and get him. I figured he probably hadn't been paying attention and wouldn't know the route back to the car. The last part of my run I was thinking about what I wanted to say to him about how he needs to find inside himself the willingness to work hard and the motivation to do his best. Then as I was finishing my walking cool down, he came running down the road to the car. I had to table everything I had been thinking about saying to him.

various

The black dress I ordered came and I really wasn't very happy with the way it fit. I had ordered some black washable wool pants and they came and fit perfectly, so I'm going to go try the sweater.

Friday and Saturday was my son's parents weekend, then he came home for fall break. He's still struggling to get all his work done, but his teachers spoke positively about his contributions in class and his understanding the work. It was stressful having 10 minute conferences with all the teachers.

I got in a swim and a bicycle ride of nearly three hours today after church, so I'm behind on my next task to get done during fall break--reading files for a search committee I am chairing. No classes Monday, but I have to take my son to a doctors appointment and a dentist appointment, and that will eat up a lot of the day.

The memorial service for my father is Oct. 29, so we go up there not this week but the end of next week.

today

My daughter is on fall break this week, which means an hour more in my day and not having to be out of the house at 7:35 am to drive her to school. Today I headed out to run at 6:30 instead of 5:30 and got in 3 miles. It felt better than I expected after biking three hours Saturday and two and a half hours Sunday.

Night before last I had an elaborate dream that my husband had not brought me the shoes I asked for so I was going to have to get remarried barefoot. That persuaded me to order a pair of black clogs. I've been struggling with the question of what to wear to the memorial service for my father. I really don't ever dress up. I don't want to feel I am wearing a costume but I also want to give a positive impression. I don't think I can go with too simple an outfit because I don't ever wear jewelry (except a wedding ring); doing so would really feel like dressing up as someone else.

I think I will wear a black dress, for one thing because my daughter wants to wear a skirt. But I will wear clogs, as I don't want to stand all afternoon without my custom orthotics. The other approach I have considered is black wool pants and a black cardigan sweater, but I haven't found the right sweater. I would want something somewhat fitted and what I have found that interests me so far is cotton. My sister told me once I wasn't supposed to mix cotton and wool.

nice weather

We had a couple of rainy days and last night's forecast was for 60% chance of showers today, so when I got up and it wasn't raining I went for a run (not quite 3 miles). When the sun rose I realized that the sky was mostly clear and it was warm and very humid. So instead of waiting until afternoon to ride my bike I decided to hurry to join an 8:30 am group ride. The group was doing 62 miles but I decided that after not riding for more than a week it would be unwise to do the whole ride, so I cut off after 28 and rode about 10 miles back to my car. The temperature was up to 80 by the time I got home.

shoulder

I had a very sore shoulder yesterday--I left swim practice early in tears. It felt almost as sore when I woke up this morning, and by evening the soreness was almost gone. I did think from the beginning that it felt like muscle soreness, not an injury, but that is still weird. I happened to have a massage appointment yesterday and my massage therapist told me that according to a mind-body therapist he works with, shoulders carry grief. I don't feel like I have made any progress in working throught my grief that would make my shoulders better. I did spend an hour in a gathered silence group yesterday, but today has just been busy with work.

I'm doing Community of Hope pastoral care training at church and last night's session was about grief. I asked what is grief, anyway, and how do you feel it? What I finally figured out this morning is that grief isn't a feeling (like happiness or sadness or anger), it is a whole lot of different feelings that come as one adjusts to a loss or change.

An email from JW inspires me to give a little background. My father was a good person and a positive figure in my life, but he was very emotionally shut down. He showed love in actions, never in words or gestures. What strikes me now about losing him is how it changes the pattern and balance of family relationships. And I've lost my dream that this time I would be able to say goodbye--my first father died in an automobile accident a month before my third birthday.

tribute

I'm working on writing a tribute for my father. So many people would want to speak that it is going to be strictly limited to my father's sisters and daughters to keep the service short. My father's sisters and one of my sisters want to do readings, and my other sister wants to talk about what he meant to her. So any more general tribute will be what I do. My mother doesn't want a formal eulogy, so I am trying to put together brief telling anecdotes that add up to something like a story.

home again/Sept. training

I'm home after a weekend in Massachusetts with my mother. It went smoothly, but I don't think I am up to writing about it yet. I have started to write a tribute to my father for the memorial service Oct. 29.

So my month of training instead:

swim: 11 workouts, 10 hrs. 40 min
bike: 14 workouts, 24 hours
run: 12 workouts, 30 miles

The swim and bike are almost double the last couple of months and the run is 25% more, so I am happy with those numbers.