John spoke today (when we met with the therapist) about feeling I have put up my barriers and disconnected from him. He said he feels like I love him but I don't like him. I didn't know what to say--he was upset and it seemed cruel to say there is some truth in that. Last week I gave him a book I liked very much that I thought might help open up more sharing. John said today that he found the book completely foreign to who he is.
After I came home I happened to read a story (Christian) on the internet about the importance of being true to our feelings (this link goes to part three, but has links at the beginning to parts 1 and 2). I feel like my only choices are to betray myself to keep him content or to betray him.
It has been one of my philosophies of life that there are always more than two alternatives. But I'm still not feeling well and I'm too low to think of any right now.