We had lunch with John's aunt today, as we do most Sundays. She is 96 and gets around with a walker, but is fairly sharp. She moved here from Oregon about 15 years ago because John is her closest relative--she never married. She lives in an apartment in a nearby retirement community which does have different levels of care. Lunch is provided in the dining hall but she hires a driver to take her out to buy food and still makes her own breakfast and supper. Occasionally she comes to our house for supper but more often John picks her up and we have lunch together at a restaurant.
What worries me is that John doesn't want to tell her even that he has Parkinson's disease. She tends to be obsessive about health and he doesn't like it when she criticizes his food choices (she carefully eats a very low fat diet). He has been good about helping her himself when she occasionally needs help, not putting it on me. But it worries me that she is counting on him to continue to be available.
I told John that at least he should get her to change her durable power of attorney document so that it would name me as backup. He said he could do that, but I don't think he has raised the subject. I can't imagine doing it myself because I am so uncomfortable with keeping secrets that the only way I know to respect his wishes is to avoid any related subject.