John and I talked a little today about the loss of partnership (maybe the Aricept is making a difference that we could have the conversation, though there were a couple of things he couldn't manage yesterday that made me think it wasn't). Our marriage started out very much based on sharing tasks equally, though we had gradually done some dividing on the basis of what we were good at. John still does his own laundry and takes out the trash (with reminding). We had fairly recently come to a better system for sharing cooking--we alternate weeks and when it is our week do both the cooking and the food shopping . When traveling I did all of it but now we are home he is taking his week. It takes him so long, even though he is cooking simpler things, but I really don't want to take over until I have to.
I suggested maybe he could do more of the things he can still do instead of being huffy (as he was at one point on the trip) that they should be divided equally. But when we talked about it I realized that a higher priority for me is for him to clear up his chaos in the family room and the boxes he put in space I had just cleared in the basement. It took him four days to clear his stuff off the kitchen table so I could put on a new tablecloth.
I know, I know, I should be glad he can do any of it. But I feel the loss of the partnership we had. We do have someone who comes every two weeks to clean the house, but getting picked up so she can is always a big production.