forgiveness

I'm actually not uptight about where I am on the issue of forgiveness, but I got thinking about it after catching myself saying twice in the last few days that I don't want to forgive my abuser. I have trouble understanding that forgiveness doesn't have to mean saying "she did the best she could." But the more fundamental issue right now seems to be that I feel a need to see her as bad because then I am different from her. I don't feel very secure in saying I may have some of the same impulses inside me but I'm different because I don't act on them. The whole issue of the relationship between feelings and action is difficult.