the isolated nuclear family

My son is now going to a school 20 miles away, and we have been trying to work out carpooling. I've talked to two mothers who live in our area, but they are both stay-at-home moms and not that interested in car pooling, except that one works one day a week and needs help that afternoon. We set up for us to pick up her kids that day and for her to take my son. I picked up the kids yesterday and it was a real pain to drive to her house 10 or 15 minutes past ours. But I think we need to get used to it so we will have someone we can call if we get stuck on taking or picking up our son.

In this area most middle class parents drive their kids to and from public school; it seems to be as status thing and is also self-reinforcing--because few kids take the bus, bus routes are an hour or more long. I was talking about this with a friend who said "they don't have anything better to do." Carpooling seems to be seen as an invasion of family privacy. I would like to learn how to be tied into a community more, rather than so isolated.