a picture from Ecuador

Doing laundry in a stream near Otavalo, Ecuador, Dec. 31, 2003.

Wounds

I've always hated the line "things that don't kill you outright make you stronger" and the Christian variants about how God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Not true. Many people are crippled by pain that is more than they can handle. I don't feel crippled, but there was no good in my father's death a month before my third birthday, leaving me unprotected.

biology and gender

The idea that that homosexuality is inherent (for example the idea of a gay gene) has generally been appealing to the gay community. Obviously there is the danger that a biological approach can lead to seeing homosexuality as a defect that can be fixed, but it should lead to better policy to see homosexuals as an inevitable part of the community not as people who have chosen a bizarre lifestyle. The greater danger is that our biology will take away our choices--if you have a particular gene must you be gay, or if you don't you can't be? I do not think people would be happier if they could find out with a blood test.

And yet there is something so seductive about having biological evidence for who I am. I finally found out the results of the rest of my lab tests, and my testosterone was 67 in a reference (normal) range from 15 to 76. The doctor had originally speculated it was high and suggested medication, and my reaction was very clear that I like being masculine. Clearly it is more important to my identity than I had realized, though I am very happy with the life I have chosen.

more politics

I will get off the subject soon, but this has been an exciting primary. Edwards won by a lot more than the polls beforehand would have suggested. Looking at the results for the counties in this part of the state (where the African-American population is much lower than in the rest of the state), Kerry did somewhat better in the cities and Edwards in the country. Turnout was better than predicted but still low. In one 99% black urban precinct turnout was relatively high, 26 percent of the 1,636 registered voters, and the results were: Edwards, 33.2 percent; Kerry, 31 percent and Sharpton, 18.5 percent.

Somewhere I heard that people in South Carolina (assumably white people) were saying they voted for Edwards because he is "like us." I'm afraid that says it all. One of my favorite stories about diversity comes from a professor at MIT who is African-American. She said that she heard an older MIT professor bemoaning how much more diverse MIT has become. He said about teaching at MIT: "It is no fun anymore. They don't want to be me."

medical records

My doctor's office has tried three times to get the results of some lab tests, but only half the results have been delivered. I spoke to the lab today and got someone who promised to try to track down the missing results. I asked for a copy to be sent to me as well and she said "We can't do that; you can only get them from the ordering physician." I said that the law says I own my medical records. She said: "Oh, that is a different procedure, you need to come in and fill out a form and pay a fee." You don't get your rights unless you know what they are. Though I'm not sure that would get me the information I want, which seems not to be at the lab at all, only at the hospital where the analysis was done.

voting

We were supposed to have an icestorm last night here in the upstate, but it never got that cold. Still, it is a cold rainy raw day. When I voted about 10:30 am there was no one else there, but that is a quiet time.

Update: The sun came out around noon.

South Carolina Primary

Some thoughts I sent to the Talking Dog:
I'm in a university town in South Carolina, and mostly what I hear is people trying to figure out who can beat Bush. I have an African-American friend, very liberal, who says she is going to vote for Clark for that reason. The trouble is, there is no general agreement about who can beat Bush; people argue for Kerry, Clark, Edwards, and even Dean. I wouldn't be shocked if Kerry won the primary here, because of the poll that said he was the only one who can beat Bush. Fear of liberals is much less prominent than usual (besides, all the conservative Democrats have already become Republicans). I have heard that Sharpton is giving inspiring speeches, but my guess is that most people are more concerned about beating Bush than about making a statement. Education here is really hurting here, mostly because of state and local tax cuts and budget woes, but I haven't heard many people talking about that or any other specific issue.

One wrinkle is that South Carolina does not have party registration, so non-Democrats can vote. In fact, Republicans can vote in the Democratic primary now and still vote in the Republican primary for Senate in June. The "Loyalty Oath" has been dropped. Crossover has been a concern in previous primaries but has never turned out to be a big issue. I thought of voting for McCain in the Republican primary the last time around but I couldn't bear the thought of pretending to be a Republican, particularly since I always see neighbors at the polling place.

Another wrinkle is that there are projections that 40 to 50 percent of the voters will be African-Americans. Kerry is hoping that Clyburn's endorsement will be influential.

Polls are here, but I don't think they mean much.