Tuesday, January 13, 2009

my mother

On the trip, I noticed that my mother has started to look to us to tell her what to do, as well as asking the same question every few minutes. Her mother died of Alzheimers so it is not a surprise. What I've been realizing the last few days is how upsetting it is to have her no longer be the strong one, even though I didn't have a good relationship with her. I haven't turned to her for support and help in dealing with my situation with John, both because she tended to be so critical and because she didn't have much relevant experience--both her husbands died suddenly (one in a car accident, the other of a massive stroke). But there is still some child reaction in me that finds it scary that she is no longer bigger than me. In more adult terms, maybe I felt that at least she was there as a last resort. Not any more.

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