Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Still on the difficult topic

I realize that I feel so scared of John's intention to end his life before reaching the later stages of dementia because in some primitive place inside me it feels like I am a child who said "I wish you would die" and the person died. That may come from confused feelings from my own childhood; my father died in an automobile accident a month before my third birthday. Both my fathers died suddenly--my (step)father died of a massive stroke while traveling almost exactly three years ago. I wished I could have said goodbye.

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