Wednesday, June 18, 2008

On the way home

We haven't had the promised internet access several places. We are now in the Zurich airport, changing planes on our way back to Massachusetts. I'm very glad to be going if not home at least back to a familiar place where we spend time every summer.

I wrote a little yesterday:

On the train today from Prague back to Berlin, we talked about a next trip. My mother has made plans for a family gathering in Venice, Italy, after Christmas 2008 to scatter some of my father’s ashes. My father was 80 when he had a massive stroke in the airport in London on the way home from a trip almost two years ago. He had had a minor stroke a few months before that so he had become a bit less capable, but he never acted as old as John acts.

This trip has gone well enough that I feel ok about getting tickets for Venice. We are going to try to arrange to spend five days or so in Rome first, just John and me and our kids. If I’m really lucky I can get frequent flyer tickets going into Rome and out of Venice.

Our daughter loves travel and museums. Our son tires of it faster, but he said today he has really enjoyed this trip. So there are two reasons to travel now—while John still can and while our kids are into traveling with us. I’m learning to be less overstressed by it, though I’m still going to be very glad to be out of all of this togetherness.

Keeping this blog makes me realize how resentful I am, instead of accepting what I face. I'm usually an optimist but this prospect has thrown me.


Stella said...

I've been wanting to say something in answer to your feelings and the only thing that keeps popping in my mind is something my mother in law used to say quite often. "Well, whatcha gonna do?" always with a shrug of her shoulders. You feel like you and your family have had a kick in the stomach. You sound like you are doing all the right things and as time goes on the things you are doing now will be a blessing.

I've enjoyed our trip. I'm still looking at many of the places you have been. Some of it covers where my soldier boy went 60+ years ago.

Pauline said...

Keeping the blog will do all sorts of things to you, and in the end you will be grateful to have it. You will be resentful. That's normal, but always remember, he cdannot help his situation. And if it were you that were sick, I imagine that he would be there ready to care for your every need. You care for him because you love him. He is a part of your life that you cling to for strength. But it is you who has to suck it up and be strong. It is not easy, but you can do it. Enjoy those moments when John is really with you.