Sunday, April 13, 2008

a different view of the world

My husband has his appointment with the Movement Disorders Specialist at the Medical University of South Carolina a week from tomorrow, so we don't know much more yet except that a low dose of Sinemet (the classic Parkinson's medication) is helping him. In the meantime, what has been consuming my time (besides my own work) is starting to work through our financial situation. I regret we don't have long-term care insurance and am now planning to buy it on me (it is too late to get it for my husband). The hard thing about trying to figure out the financial issues is that it requires me to look ahead to how difficult it is likely to be farther down the road.

I was for a while feeling very trapped, but I am feeling better. What helped me was coming to the conclusion that it is the way the world works that most people who deal with things like a spouse with a progressive disease do it because we don't have any choice. There is a kind of peace in not having a choice--less opportunity for second-guessing.

I was at a conference in Charlotte this weekend. This morning a few minutes before 5 am the fire alarm went off in the hotel. I put on my running clothes and after walking down six flights of stairs and standing around outside the building for a little while talking to people I went and ran three laps around a silly artificial lagoon.

1 comment:

Joann said...

If you look for blessings you will find them. No one wants to find them through illness, but they come.

I would not have picked having cancer as a way to get some respite from being a full-time worker in an area I find less than appealing, but I have enjoyed and learned a lot over the last several months.

I understand I have a bit more hope for the years ahead, maybe, but maybe not. I live with the mystery of the future too. By gosh and by golly I'm LIVING until I die though, I'm not going to spend the rest of my time on this earth dying. It's a choice. It'll probably take a while before John can absorb his situation enough to get to that place though. It took me while.

This is a hard journey. I'll keep you both in my prayers. That is the thing that helped / helps me the most in my journey.