Thursday, December 07, 2006


I worked very intensely with a therapist in North Carolina for almost seven years, starting in Feb. 1996. When he partially retired three and a half years ago he told me I would have to find someone else. At first he wanted that to be a clean ending, but in we eventually worked out ending the therapy relationship but continuing to meet once a month for an hour (we called it spiritual direction). He was uncertain at first whether that was a good idea, but it turned out to be a lovely thing not just so I didn't feel rejected but to be able to go back and revisit what I had learned with him.

I did move on. The next person I saw didn't work out, but now I have another therapist I can do the deep work with. I hadn't thought anyone else would be able to go as deep with me as the person in North Carolina, but I have found someone with whom I can go deeper.

Yesterday I had my last meeting with the person in North Carolina. He is retiring completely now. I am much readier for this ending than I was for the first one, but it is still very sad. I have tried so hard to feel my feelings, but I've still got a very sore shoulder, which my massage therapist says is a classic place for grief to come out.


Anonymous said...

That's definitely true. Memory lies within your body and muscle tissues.

Joann said...

What a grace that you had K. in your life at all, but especially that you got the last while in addition to the more strict therapeutic relationship.

I know all too well how much it is. My heart goes out to you. It's almost like you've lost him twice. He was very giving and trusting, and you're changed as a person because of that.

I miss D. still.