better idea

I'm trying to get the nuclear stress test scheduled--it could end up as soon as tomorrow. The cardiologist did say that it is not as accurate as a catheterization--85% instead of 99%. I think he is more interested in structural information and I am more interested in functional information. I did hear that everything was normal on the echocardiogram, which reinforces my hope that this is going to turn out to be nothing.

I realized deep down this is reinforcing my feelings of being contaminated. My current approach to that is that I want to learn to harness the darkness inside me, not try to tear it out.