theory of healing

The person I work with and I are in agreement that the key to healing childhood pain is to bring it to the surface and experience it as fully as possible. To me the next step is to change the past, to do something to make it come out differently so it is not just retraumatizing (at the very least, that in re-experiencing it I am not alone with it as I was then). He said he believes in that too, but my way of doing so is new to him. I do it through action, not words, either experiencing being comforted and taken care of or some symbolic ritual (like handing a marble back and forth).