still struggling

I found myself saying "I don't want to know alternatives." It is so hard for me to have confidence in myself and what I am doing in my inner journey, alternatives feel like criticism that my way is making it harder. I look in the outside world like I have confidence in my own opinions, but all of that doesn't feel very solid. I felt terrible about saying I don't want to know alternatives; I feel that is indefensible and doesn't match up with my own values. The person I was talking to said: "you don't have to defend it."