blame

It is incredibly hard to change the belief I grew up with that someone always has to be at fault. It is hard to accept that things just happen; I guess it is human nature (and often useful) to want to know why, what went wrong. I don't believe in predestination in the sense that God already knows what is going to happen, but the thought that no one is in control is frightening. I suppose that is a child need for safety.

I was a Presbyterian for a while and I actually found some value in the more half-hearted Presbyterian efforts to save the concept of predestination. Not in the sense that God has detailed plans for everything that happens, much less that God preordains who will be saved. But I don't believe that God equally reaches out to every person and the difference in how we respond is a matter of our choices. I was lucky (chosen? blessed?): God reached out to me in a very clear way. I wouldn't say I had no choice, but I do feel that God reached out to me with a clarity I didn't deserve and wasn't looking for.